There is something I have to admit, and that is that I have noticed the change since I left Panama and started living in Barcelona.
A change in social status, since in Panama, having such a small population and a rather closed culture, it was very “easy” for me to become “someone” in that country. Someone who was even stopped on the street to ask to take photos (I’m not saying this to brag, I usually left work looking the worst and with the worst face possible, but I mention it to give my point some perspective).
There, being a girl, a photographer, a model, who takes nude photos, talks openly about sexuality, is tattooed, has shaved hair and I don’t know what else… all that made me attract a lot of attention wherever I went.
It’s true that I didn’t eat from that stuff, but it was noticeable.
However, when I arrived in Barcelona (which was totally something I expected), instead of standing out, I was just one more of the crowd.
There are many female photographers, much better than me. There are plenty of them who do nude photography. Sexuality educators. People with tattoos and impressive clothes, girls with their hair in every possible way. There are too many non-monogamous people and more and more of them… I am nobody special here, just another immigrant.
I don’t think it was demoralizing, but I did notice a change, especially when it came to socializing and making my way in the art world.
However, I feel that I have achieved a lot in the short time I have been living here. Getting to live off what I love and dedicate myself to this every day of my life (something I was never able to do in Panama).
What I mean by this is that “being someone” is not a way of living. And I can empathize with those people who do not leave the place where they are, even if they do not have a quality of life, because they know that the moment they leave, they will have to start from scratch and face the harsh reality that they are nobody outside there.
*insert sound of glass breaking*
Get out of your fantasy.
From my perspective, it doesn’t matter who you are or what you think you are where you are, if you don’t have peace, if you don’t have calm, it’s not worth staying.
I have never been as happy as I am since I arrived in Barcelona. I have never felt so free, so myself, so at peace, with so many incredible opportunities to dedicate myself to what I love, meeting people so different and similar to me from whom I can learn.
My point is, don’t be afraid to change, don’t be afraid to lose that fictitious position that you feel you have within your micro-society. If you have a quality of life that allows you to be calm, without wondering if you will have something to eat tomorrow or if your phone will be stolen every time you go out, I guarantee that if you prioritize yourself, you will have the time to dedicate yourself to growing your personal brand, wherever you go. And if you are genuine, consistent and believe in yourself and what you do, it will show wherever you are.
Besides, the fact that there are (in this case) much better artists than you, shouldn’t be something that discourages you, but on the contrary, it is an inspiration and also, if you manage to work with these people, they will be a stepping stone for you to continue climbing to where you want to go.
Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone.
Don’t be afraid of losing your status.
Wellbeing is non-negotiable.
“Being someone” is.
